we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
