wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
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