Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
