the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I think your dad took our porno
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
