I need help removing her.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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