Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
