Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
