Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
