Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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