What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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