i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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