Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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