It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
