Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
