Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
