My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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