My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
i out mim tonsoeep
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