ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
