So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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