worst night to have a conscience
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
