he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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