There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
