I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
