I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
