someone threw a dead crab at me
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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