So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
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