Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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