R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
