and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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