My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
