I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Actions speak louder than pants.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
