Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
