I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
