Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
only you would photoshop your dick
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
