I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
