So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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