I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
