I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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