The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
