Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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