Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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