I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
