thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
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