I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
