I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
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