I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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