Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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