Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
honey bunches of taint.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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