before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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