It's like God shit irony all over that family
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
