let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
