Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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